Love

Love takes many forms. Today, it felt in part by absence and by presence.

This morning, I got a call from my ex about Drew's desire to go to the flea market and if I would take him. It was great for a chance to spend one-on-one time with him. MK was doing the Sweetheart Banquet at church, and I suppose she needed some time alone. Who cares? I was the big winner. He and I spent five hours together, talking, shopping, listening and just sharing space together.

When we talked, he told me how he loves that I don't yell at him... that I listen to him and change when he asks... and that I don't make him choose... All of that was the outgrowth of a few important decisions about how I parent and one absolutely critical experience in my relationship with him. I talk to my kids like they are adults. I listen and learn and find that yelling is only appropriate after the third time of being ignored. (Yes, yelling is bad, but it is a lot better than a number of things that I have seen parents do, so I make no apologies.) And I love them more than anything else in the world. That is agape.

Getting there was not easy. I learned what love truly was the day my daughter was born, and the day at two weeks when she looked up at me and seemed to recognize me that first time. And for Drew is was a wonderful experience in its own way, but after our separation, his frustrations with and my defensiveness about nearly everything between us was tearing us apart. One morning, while driving him to school, it cracked and I temporarily lost it. I grabbed his arm, and then I realized where I was and what my responsibilities really were. I apologized to him, and that was the point I decided to change. And I am, and we are, better because of it.

But today's picture is about a different kind of love. Little mementos of days gone past, some further than others, but things that all mean something. But those physical things really mean nothing other than as jars for our memories. What I have learned about love is simple: it is not what you get, but how you feel regardless of what you are getting at that moment in time. I realized that love is not about feeling loved, or giving love. It is not about righting the wrongs or feeling guilty. It is not about feeling safe, being satisfied, or fulfilled. Love is quite simply the way I feel about you.

D90 85mm f/1.4 1/200 ISO 400