Interesting Sights

Good day of work, of being with my children, and trying to take the next step...

Driving down far western Wendover onto 40 today made me think about the place where I got my shoes resoled once. I had to take them back once because the shoes squeaked when I walked in them -- it was both annoying and hilarious. The strangest things hit me sometimes....

Tonight, Mary Kathryn and I were sitting in the parking lot waiting for Drew to finish taekwondo, and looking at the forest running from Guess Road toward Duke Street, and saw, in the distance, a little spot of a rainbow, just between the clouds. It seemed like God had just painted that spot and was an amazing thing to see.

Of course capturing it on my Droid was nearly impossible and someone named David left the house without the picture capturing device he prefers. Note to self: even if it is raining, you have enough time to walk back into the treehouse to get your camera. Thanks self.

So now I watch as Drew winds down, MK stresses and Fringe is a few minutes away. Life does give you cool things to see...

Crashing ugh...

No pic because today was a mishmash of events, driving between the hotel, appointments, and then airport in ATL (a model of how NOT to do things, in my opinion). After Chris and I decided we would just sit in the club at the airport and work for a while prior to departure. BIG MISTAKE. Between 5 pm and 6 pm, I saw most of my carefully constructed good day go to hell -- an angst-filled phone call, misplaced $300 sunglasses, about 10,000 people shoved into a space the size for 20, and too much uncertainty about my life in general.

The near-complete breakdown was pushed to the brink in the middle of the "D" terminal at the words: "The flight to Charlotte will be delayed... (pause for dramatic pause) for mechanical reasons... (little pause) and we expect your flight to begin boarding at... (a period of time measured in minutes, by my memory) 9 o'clock this evening." And with that, a nearly simultaneous "WTF!!!" went out from the 120 people closest to the poor woman making the announcement.

Chris and I looked at each and thought the same thing: if we had left Atlanta when we were finished at 1 pm and driven home, we'd nearly be there by now. Attempt to change planes -- #9 and #10 on waiting list. Find sunglasses. Discuss all of the bad options: wait and hope for 9 pm flight (with the likely getting stuck in Charlotte); stay in ATL for the evening and go home tomorrow (screwing up schedule AND likely being delayed by the 2 feet of water falling out of the sky for the last four and the next three days); or drive home in a rented car.

Walked into my place at 1:50 am. Longest I've sat while someone else drove in my life. Good conversations. Plans to take over the world outlined. Delirious state of mind for the last 30 minutes. Fear for Chris as he drives home to Fayetteville. Mail. Rain. Home.

Best line I wrote today: feel dead right now... just the way empty love feels...

Night world. Smiling children to see and North Carolina soil under my feet and tires tomorrow. That's a good day to come.

Reading, Flying and Managing Emotions

Something wonderful about catching up on my New Yorkers while flying around. Today, I finished another old issue, and a couple great articles as usual. I loved this long article about the conflict between two former friends in New York City -- both talented, eccentric artists who due to a small dispute had it blow up and force their respective friends into choosing sides. It made two relatively short airplane rides into something manageable.

I was intimidated by a line in the article: "The dream of artists—which is simply the dream of friends and lovers, magnified—is to plant themselves in other people's heads." I wondered if that really is the desire that drives an artist. I had to stop and think about it for myself (even though I do struggle with using that title for what I do) and had to honestly admit that the answer was "yes." I cannot deny that motivation and it makes me wish I could say that it wasn't the case, but...

My photos capture the world as I see it, and to see how something can be captured. I write to communicate, to share, to seek clarity, and doing so here is actually easier than trying to pay a counselor whose paid role rarely meets my need. So thanks for listening. You may or may not be the target audience, but you watch and participate and give me feedback in ways that make me feel stronger, and nearly whole.

Bittersweet

I leave Indy tomorrow. Like another day when I left Indy about a year ago, thinking it was the beginning of the rest of my life, but it turned out to be the last weekend of my life as I then hoped it to be.

A very good day -- lots of business opportunities await me here, in Kentucky and in Pennsylvania. I enjoyed dinner today at St. Elmo's -- the shrimp cocktail is killer -- and wonder how tomorrow will be, but look forward to being in Atlanta and back home thereafter. I have children, work, new business opportunities and new sales. I love my professional life, most aspects of my personal life and my role as a parent and a mentor. I just wish I felt different.

I speak now as a man who drank too much tonight, with a fabulous dinner and time with friends, but without the filter that comes with sobriety. I want an honest life, and wish for others to understand that about me, and to accept my honesty as simply who I am. I cannot predict who or what the future is, but the journey of my last eighteen months has made me stronger, and more certain of where I am headed. Those who want to be a part of it can either make a decision to be a part of it, or not.

Loved my Neil message this am: "holding a grudge does no one any good, and rarely achieves the result of hurting or damaging the one you cannot forgive." I do not, as a general rule, want to damage or hurt anyone, but I know that I am as strong, as certain and as much me as I will ever be. Choose to accept that or not -- your choice.

Indy Day 2

Slept late, dragging for a while. Great breakfast at this place across the street from the State Capital (which is a big building -- overcompensating for something, Indiana?).

I failed in my initial attempt to nap this afternoon because a meeting felt the need to interrupt. Afterwards, I came back and fell asleep anyway, which left me feeling very wiped out and even worse than I felt this morning. I really have gotten the point that I hate a late nap that is too brief because I wind up feeling pissed off and cheated by what little I actually got from the experience. Hmm... sounds like something I could associate with a number of things.

Dinner and drinks with more new (and some old) friends, and going to bed early to keep from being so bad off tomorrow. Hope it works.

Indianapolis

First night here, and hanging out with friends for dinner. Up too late last night and up too early this morning so I could make my flight, but by the time I made it into my room, I was too tired to sleep, too hungry to eat and too irritable to allow myself to be happy.

Feel like I've slipped back a bit in the last week in terms of getting work done and keeping it all managed. Worked a good deal on the flights to get my email count down, but now I have a mile-long to-do list. Checked off on a number of those things to do, thankfully, but really need to figure out where the focus has been lost so I can get re-centered and comfortable the way I have been.

Tonight was good in a lot of ways. Great dinner, meeting a number of new people (who are all connected in one way or another with Keystone). After dinner went to this cool blues bar, and listened to music for a while before we moved onto a kids bar -- with better music, but one where the average age of the folks there increased by five years when the four of us walked in.

By the time I got in, I was so tired, that all I could do is get pics uploaded and get into bed, but it was one where just the atmosphere of fun and relaxation made the after-effect one of just simple being. Thankful for the ability to just do, and be, and move.

Blue Bridge

Durham has totally changed the old foot bridge over the Durham Freeway/Expressway, East-West Expressway, NC147, I-40, or whatever that road is called that runs from the Triangle to downtown Durham. The old bridge was a piece of crap -- built to tie two parts of a neighborhood split by the road in the 1970's and had the artistic flair of a white piece of paper laying on top of a piece of gray cardboard. It was a long, green "I-Beam" that the city closed at least 15 years ago bc no one felt it was safe to travel through there...

The new bridge is amazing. The perfect example of how things ought to be, and sets a cool tone for entry into Durham from the east. Tonight's picture is of the new bridge, with a longer exposure because it was night, I was driving and was, of course, a little pissed that I didn't get it. I suppose I found out the "what you want" may turn into "damn, look what I got."

I'm a bridge-ophile -- I'm sure there's a better word than that one, but I do like admiring their grace, the style, how their role can define a space. Would any design "fit" in the space between San Fran and Marin County other than the Golden Gate Bridge? The way a soaring fly-way like the Sunshine Skyway (I like that Skyway name, btw) fit in the Tampa Bay. The raw ugliness of the George Washington Bridge in New York cuts across the sky as if to remind us that Robert Moses didn't care what it looked like as long it was built.

A good day mostly, with mostly local travel for kids and work, and a great opportunity to both meet with a personal trainer for the first time and go to Madison for my friend Tom's 50th birthday. While the day had strange elements, the hardest thing was driving through Gboro at 6 pm on a Friday -- something I hadn't done in a long time, and yet still felt both odd and bittersweet. But I passed through, made it north, and returned the same way with no incident.

And tonight I was reminded why the call to another can be its own form of grace. I finally called my dear friend, who is still suffering from the loss of a great love but just returned from Italy, to see how her trip had been and spent a few minutes encouraging her to get out and see some friends. It was a good few minutes of catching up, but it was grace in action for us both. From it, I was dubbed "St. Wendover." Still chuckling about that...

Off to Indy first thing in the morning. Supposedly there are cool things to be seen there. Who knows?

Moody Thursday

At points, my exhaustion prevented me from having the emotional strength to get through the smallest thing. At others, I smiled for the quiet moment I enjoyed in the car. Then I was angry at the idiotic paranoia of an old argument involving friends and business partners. And basked in the glow of the excited words coming from Mary Kathryn. Or throbbed and paused and now rest.

I fear that if I do not rest, I will be far worse than I already am.

But I did capture a little more beauty that life has to offer, tonight along Ninth Street, after helping MK buy a piece of jewelry from Vaguely Reminiscent. A moment of pride, and deep appreciation for the trust she places in me when it comes to buying clothes, shoes or a necklace. Another emotion, another memory, and another thing to be thankful for on this day.

Harvest Moon

The way the full moon reflected the sun's light tonight at the beginning of the fall season. It was wonderfully full -- the moon's face filled with amber, golden and red as it began to climb into the sky, preparing for its dance with Jupiter later in the evening.

My one meal today was a wonderful concoction of Stella, Bill, Jennifer and the Wednesday night crew at church. I love the fellowship that flows from those dinners, and while I feel very quiet often in there, I find such energy from the friends and food. Tonight it was cheese grits, pork loin and salad, and a lot of water. Came home though wishing I had not eaten because of how my stomach feels (and not from the food) and now I sit in my chair trying to get the energy to do the work that looms over me this evening.

And my friend scoots across the sky, to let its cycle begin again, and escort autumn into the air, across the leaves, and prepare the way for winter, and spring to anticipate...

Traveling Man

I thought this picture best captured my day... a little bridge of trees ahead to pass under, wonders ahead and behind, and the promise of friends, and food, and drink ahead. It turned out to be just that...

437 miles according to Google Maps -- a great wide circle from home to Hickory to Charlotte, to Fayetteville and back home. I left at 7:20 am and got home at 12:30 am. But the kind of day where certain things got me going and left me fulfilled, and others left me empty and wondering. In other words, it was just a day, like many before it, and like many to come. And sometimes, those days are the reminders to just enjoy.

The most depressing thing was that I finished my book (The Passage, by Justin Cronin) about the time I got to Hickory, so I was left without something to "read" for the remainder of the drive. I must now find something new to download and enjoy.

So I will start my day anew.

New Blog Layout

No pic today, but I wanted to thank Kelley Smith Belcher for her energy and creativity in putting together a new layout for the blog. I will eventually (once she's educumated me about it) update the links and all... She's a great writer and artist, trapped in the legal world. Great husband and family -- so I can't say enough good about her. Thanks Kel!

Birds of Flight

Coming home from church today, I was traveling down Aviation Parkway back toward the condo when I came across this egret (who often seems to be standing alone along the western portion of Lake Crabtree) and decided that today was the day to stop and take his picture. I pulled off the side of the road, took one picture and remembered the camera was still in manual mode from last night, and so I missed the first shot. It does annoy me so when I fail to check myself before shooting...

As I took a couple more, I noticed a plane coming into RDU and realized that the two aspects of this piece of the world that often struck me -- that egret and the planes coming into and going out of RDU -- and readjusted to capture both. It was the perfect capture of the battle between natural and modern aviation... and made me glad that I stopped.

Today was cleaning day -- Drew's once annual bedroom project to bring chaos and the thousand started projects and then dropped, deposited or disapparated into his room only to be discovered one day in the future as one worthy of rejoinder or wondering what he was thinking about when he started that one... and was beginning to fill his room. But tonight he is sleeping in his bed, with his clothes filling his drawers. There are no shards of Coke cans in the floor and an amazing dirth of paper clips or scotch tape on the carpet. It makes a daddy happy.

MK and I got some good time to ourselves today as well -- on the drives to and from youth group, and sitting and working on a school project or discussing the latest drama while Drew was delaying his bedroom work. It is amazing how their observations, their dispositions, and their absolute spirit makes me feel so at home whenever I get to partake in their wonderment. It does a mind, and a heart, and a body good. Much better than milk, if you ask me.

I did return to Centerfest to buy the Pilot Mountain photograph I liked and got everything hung on the walls of my stairwell. Being at the festival for just a few minutes today really has made me realize that I need to budget $100 a month toward printing and framing a couple photographs just to hang on the wall. I think that would really give me a better perspective on my art -- away from the pixels and the screen and into printed form where I could better understand its place against the works I enjoyed today and yesterday.

And I agree that a photomosaic project may be my next "thing" to plan for. I just have to think of how I will do it.

Centerfest, Soccer, Laser Tag and Birthday Party

Loved getting up this morning to go watch soccer. Something about the fall and seeing Mary Kathryn and her friends play the great game. While interacting with MJ was its normal trying experience, I enjoyed watching MK make a goal and Drew scavenging for goodies around the Riverside baseball field (he found two baseballs and about a dozen other items "of interest). Then she was off to the lake with the team, leaving Drew and I to our own devices.

Afterwards, we grabbed some lunch and went to Centerfest, Durham's arts festival, to enjoy the weather and to see what we might find inspiring. And we certainly did. While the jewelry did not strike me as it normally does, and the pottery was largely pedestrian, the other visual areas were wonderful. There were some great painters, particularly some strong abstract portraits with the kind of dimensionality that one rarely finds in these kinds of settings. But one artist really struck me.

This gentleman named Patrick Walsh does these very unique and alluring photomosaics that stopped us cold. As I looked at each one, I was drawn into the creative process and thinking of how they would have been "put together" and how he chose his subjects. Walking through the space, and finding other folks who struck me, I kept coming back to Mr. Walsh's art, and so I left with a piece that I was proud to bring home and hang on my wall.

While walking around, Drew began to get very tired, so he sat by a tree, and began to draw, and rest, and "recharge his batteries." When I came back to get him, he had created his own art out of bark. He also made his own glue out of berries and sap. It was something that was unexpected and intimidating -- a reminder of how great this boy's spirit and abilities are...

This evening, Drew and I did some laser tag -- we won -- and then to a friend's birthday party. It was a fun day. My favorite moment was Drew's humility in asking that we go play laser tag -- that he feared he was being selfish in asking for that time. When I assured him that I was looking forward to the time, and if it was something that was not fitting within our plans, our available time or even my own interest, I would have talked to him about it. But I was glad he asked, and that he didn't expect it -- he asked, and was sincerely appreciative of the time we could do that together.

A fun day, particularly with Drew, and I have tylenol in my body, and my eyes are heavy. It is a good feeling...

Notes

One of the things I like is the writing of a little note -- to thank someone for a meal or hosting a party, to express a thought, or just to express sympathy for the loss of a friend or family member. And I do like to find something nice to write those notes upon, be that cool new cards or paper that is made like paper bags from the grocery store. For me, the ability to just put down in words what or how I feel has been freeing -- in this forum, or in a more private or personal fashion.

To wake and get the kids to school was a fun start. I do enjoy the few minutes Drew and I get in the car after MK is off to school, making his bagel at Foster's and just chatting about all the things that are running through his mind. After a roundtrip to Greensboro for a meeting at UHC, and got the kids and dropped MK at Caroline's, Drew and I went to eat something and go see a movie. As we both sit here, each writing, watching a movie and preparing to sleep, I remember the joy of the words I write, the things I observe and how life moves like a river.

Creative frustration

One other note: I sat tonight and listened to Drew express his creative frustration... that the things he dreams up now are no longer as "cool" or different as the things he used to think up three years ago. "It's all very conventional," he said.

It was a bit sad watching him realize this -- the maturity of his dreaming...

I will keep reminding him that he is still a 40 year old mind stuck in a kid's body (his words, not mine), and the key to joy is never losing sight of either one.

Drained, but inspired

Tonight, as MK and I were heading to Harris Teeter (and Drew was at Taekwondo), the sun was setting at over the end of Horton Road. The weeping willow was framing and the sun shining up from the horizon and it seemed to be the right "paint job" to the week winding down.

I remain exhausted and fear that I am getting some congestion, and a bit of something. It all feels more like what happens to your body when you are so completely drained that you just need a few days of sleep.

The kids were so glad to see me -- their calls wanting to know when I'd get there, and those first few minutes with them, getting their stuff, rushing to tell me something -- made that connection time more natural. MK and I walked around the 'Teeter and she was telling stories a million miles a minute. It was funny to hear her interaction with her friends, their little jokes, and the frustrations of adults and classmates, the disappointments and how life gives her both adventures and perspective. I love that her sense of humor has gotten so dry... brings a little cheer to my heart.

Driving around the parking lot to pick up Drew made me feel a little nostalgic. It reminded me of the years of living on Madrid, and how simple life seemed so much in those days. Seemed was of course the key to that, but they were different days. Many yesterdays ago...

Fun in Dallas

We had a great dinner last night in Dallas with my friends from Keystone and hosted by the president of one of our vendors there at his home. It was a true Texas affair -- great Tex Mex food along with a couple fellas playing their guitars in classic Mariachi fashion. Despite the rain, we all had the kind of time that make business partners friends and leads to a long-term and profitable relationship.

Of course, for me, it was accompanied by the opportunity to take lots of pictures, many of them quite funny (like the one here) but I truly just enjoyed the time talking and listening, taking in the atmosphere of camaraderie.

Today was the third of three busy days and I got home late. But I felt very good about our meetings and hope that the rest of the week will be equally productive.

One interesting story from last night: as we returned to the hotel, a number of our folks were already there. Susan Barbee stopped us at the door and mentioned that "the guy from the UPS Whiteboard commercials" was in the lobby. Immediately my ears perked up. It was one of my favorite stories from the New Yorker, or the New York Times, or some other place where I read stuff like that, about this ad agency based in Richmond that has done some pretty remarkable work. So I did what I do: I glided over (I had enjoyed a few beers by then) and started chatting with the two guys. We had an interesting conversation -- they were in Dallas because they are pitching Pizza Hut (whose headquarters is immediately adjacent to the Marriott where we stayed) -- and then afterwards, the rest of us meandered over the bar where we were originally headed, to wind down/continue our evening.

It was fun. I am tired. But thankful for many good things in my life. There are things that I love, and others apparently do to. There are other things I cannot stand. But at the end of the day, I am both content and pleased with where my life is headed.

...and tomorrow, I get the kids! I have missed them so.

Will update the world later...

Running behind and already late.

Texas Sunrise

I don't know what it is about the sun here, but it is quite beautiful when it is rising. This gave me a great new day, one that I was able to really embrace to start my day today.

A number of good things happened -- it was a very productive day, and I was blessed by being able to share it with my co-workers here. It is funny how that environment reminds me of last year and how I still felt a little out of place in so many ways, and now I feel slightly less that way.

I do love good words, and my children's embracing of strong words to describe so much. I have listened to them both develop strong vocabularies and use them both accurately and with such strength. I feel blessed by that. "Adore" instead of "like" gives a richness of thought while "covet" seems to better express the quality of "want" in such a better way.

The little observations, and the way you express them, make life for me a better experience and memory to have going forward in my own life.

Piano in the Lobby

Sat in the bar with at the Sheraton here in Dallas tonight before going to dinner and a guest had decided to play the piano for fun. It wasn't fun.

I need a long post to get my thoughts out, but it is one that likely will not see posting. But the black and white, the notes echoing in the lobby, how Dallas fits into who and where I am today, and the swirls of emotion about today, tomorrow, yesterday and everything else -- they all add up to the need to purge some thoughts and that needs to be my work in the coming days, and be strong enough to figure it all out.

Aperture

When I walked out to start packing, the cool air inside was causing significant condensation on the windows, and obscuring the buildings outside and to the south of the Hilton. I liked the effect, so I pulled the camera out and started taking a few pictures.

But almost immediately noticed that the pictures did not reflect "what I saw," mainly because the camera's eye wasn't seeing it the same way my eyes were. So I had to think and then -- Aha! remembered why it was...

So I changed the aperture -- the width of the opening of the lens to get a greater "depth of field." One of the aspects of the camera that you learn is that aperture and shutter speed are two parts of the light triangle and the the higher the aperture, the slower the speed, but with it is a greater ability to see the full depth of the picture. Otherwise what you get is a blurry background that is pleasant in certain pictures, but not so much when the buildings behind give you a better idea of what the scene was at that moment.

This was what I saw, and what I felt, this morning. Thankfully I was able to capture it in the way I wanted.

Pity Party Over

Friday morning, feeling rushed and still tired, I woke to see the reflections of the cross, and a steeple, in the building across from my balcony. The sun was rising and the morning sky still tan and orange with shares of blue and yellow. It was a nice sight to wake up to -- keeping me in focus as the day began.

It was a long day -- five meetings and lots of driving between them, and ended with dinner at Vic's on the River with my friends and coworkers, David and Rene Rubnitz. It was a great dinner -- wonderfully creamy grits and shrimp preceded by a pork eggroll that was perfect in nearly every way. Downtown was hopping, with tons of tourists and people around, but I just felt suddenly empty and decided to go back to the hotel to sleep.

I posted my little note and moved into the night, watching some piece on 9-11 conspiracies and fell asleep before 10:00 pm. I needed the rest.

So I am sorry that I was having a pity party last night. It happens, ya know?

Roll Tide! Go Ducks! Go Dawgs!

Don't feel like posting...

something has me down, unable to focus and in need of rest. I may add later, but for now, I think sleep is more important. I have a picture. I have some thoughts, but I think I just want to lay down and find comfort in my bed. I hate sleeping alone.

Johnson Square

Had happy hour (it's stupid we don't allow happy hours in North Carolina, for the record) at First City Club in Savannah this evening with my co-workers. They were in a poker tournament and I watched for a while before heading out to do a bit of walking. Then walked a little bit and realized that I was tired. So I came home to the suite...

A day of many appointments, caught up emails (only to have it run back up), missed calls and tired eyes. I think I will sleep so I can try to have fun tomorrow evening in Savannah.

Foggy with a side of tired.

Woke up this morning in Morrisville at the condo and falling asleep in Savannah. Wouldn't be bad if there wasn't a trip to Johnson City, TN thrown in there for good measure. I am not as young as I used to be (duh!) but 10 hours on the road and four hours worth of meetings stuck in the middle of all that time on the road. And thankfully the meetings were productive.

As I was driving up Interstate 26 to Johnson City from Asheville this AM, the rain was falling, and the clouds were dashing in and out between the hills. It made for a pleasant picture of the transition we are making toward cooler days, winter's call and the diminishing light in our days. I do not like the twilight of the year, but know that it is necessary because the morning will come again in March, and I can survive the coming seasons.

New Chair

I decided a new months ago that sitting on the couch was killing my back when I was home working... so I decided that since one of my clients was a furniture company, I should shop there first.

Found this great leather chair -- arms, nice narrow seat, but it wouldn't fit in the car so momma and daddy picked it up and last night, Bob McLean carried it to Durham for me so I could - beep, beep, beep - drive it back to my condo - beep, beep, beep - in my car. Of course, while I was - beep, beep, beep - driving it over here, I had to leave the - beep, beep, beep - back of the car open a bit. But when I drove it that way - beep, beep, beep - the car felt it necessary to NEVER stop - beep, beep, mother-fuckin' beep - the entire 20 minute drive home.

When I got it home, I found I couldn't get it up the stairs by myself so I relied on the assistance of my own personal Hercules -- Drew. He helped me get it in by carrying the back while I was negotiating the bookcase, the random corners, and get it into the living room.

Tonight, after a long day of meetings, and deciding that I wasn't going to drive to Johnson City, I came home to work in my new chair -- this throne of work. The chair that I'll love to work in for years, and that someone will love to hate in the future, and bring to my next place, and the next, and the next until I settle for the rest of my life.

In short, I love my new chair.

---

Found out tonight that I have been included in a list of blogs that the Durham Convention and Visitors Bureau maintains. A pretty cool thing to be among the 200 plus blogs listed. Thanks...

Labor Day in Washington

Kids and I got enjoy a few hours in Washington before heading home today, and for me, it was like coming full circle. After we got up and moving (and everything out of the room), we took the Metro to the Capitol to give them a chance to see the inside of the building, and to hopefully make some memories like mine of that first tour.

The tour did not disappoint. We got to see a great deal of the Capitol (far more than I originally thought as we were going down into the new visitors center). After a 15 minute propaganda movie on the importance of the legislative branch, we had a great tour guide whose accent was very distinctly North Carolina. I guessed eastern, Mary Kathryn guessed western -- and she was right. In fact, he once served in the North Carolina Senate, back when I was eight, and was elected from Morganton to represent Avery County. It was really funny how the chance of that actually worked out.

But by the time we'd had the tour (and he revealed the flaw in the construction of the original House chamber -- something I remembered from my first tour 1,000 years ag0), we were all exhausted. By the time we got a wee bit (more) shopping done and back to the hotel, we pooped and then I had to drive home. I tried, and tried, to get Mary Kathryn to drive some but she was worried that some officer might have a problem with it. She's so responsible!

By the time we got home, and settled, we all floated to our space to let our time together to air out a bit and let us enjoy our privacy and own quiet in a way that made us savor that time so much more than we might have otherwise done.

Of course one of my favorite stories happened on the Metro ride back to the hotel. We were sitting there and this gentleman was sitting across from me. He turned and asked someone behind me if he'd like to buy some socks. That he sold socks and had great ones, for a good price. Having quickly been turned down by Target No. 1, I felt his gaze turn toward me. "How about you? You interested in some socks?" I paused for a minute, having prayed this question would come. "Nope. I don't wear socks. It's one of the tenets of my religion."

With no easy comeback to that, and no other potential customers around, he quickly realized that his stop had come, and need to make a hasty departure. I just smiled, and enjoyed the scene for just a minute before our stop had arrived. It was time to go home.

I close tonight with this little gem, which came to me unexpectedly. This morning, a friend of mine on FB, via status message, wondered: "Why we do New Year resolutions rather than Labor Day resolutions? It always feels like the beginning of something new."

I found that to be an excellent question. Our lives truly do revolve around the school year, even when are not in school. Piano and guitar lessons, soccer and fencing, homework, new goals, new objectives. In the work year, September is the beginning of the busy season (and is already turning out to be that way for me -- I think I have about five days home between now and the 20th...) and summer's ending brings a new start to our lives.

Now to think of resolutions to both speak and live up to... I am tired.

Aquariums are fun and tiring...

Transition from Baltimore to Washington today, beginning with our last few hours with Deepti and Uwe, before the kids and I went to the National Aquarium. Mary Kathryn loves aquariums. We walked through this amazingly well-designed, and fascinatingly diverse facility. I would have to say that for me the jellies were my favorite. But by the end we were all exhausted... Drew was hungry and dragging and MK and I were about to collapse from our dead phone batteries, hungry stomachs and worrying over poor Drew. But we got food, got in the car and made the "quick" jump down to Washington.

The first picture is from this really cool jellyfish. It was translucent (of course) but had these very cool LED-like lines running through it like veins. After all the other things we saw, to end with this delicate little creature was the right way to go home from the aquarium.

Once in Washington, and in the hotel, we all took a little break from each other -- the kids watching their respective TVs in our little suite and me taking a shower and a nap. The perfect boost before going to dinner. We are staying at the Capital Hilton, and I always like walking through the lobby. Always liked the bar here and the feel of this facility. Lots of good memories of health underwriters meetings, friends and otherwise, and I get a little smile just thinking about it.

After dinner we walked the two blocks to the north side of the White House so that I could take some pictures and we would get some get some exercise. The White House was as beautiful as it always is at night. The President and the First Family are at Camp David this weekend (according to the paper) and so there was some security, but that didn't reduce the crowd. Tourists were everywhere, and the Secret Service was keeping people on the sidewalk, and photographers from using their tripods on the sidewalks. I think I only embarrassed the kids once tonight (which might be a new record), but I did enjoy our walk all the way around the White House and back to the hotel. Great questions, intense listening and complete exhaustion when we returned back here. I'm not sure we've spoken 20 words between us since, but that's not because of anything other than we are all able to get our space while all are within juts 20 feet of one another. It's nice to have that peace and comfort between us.

My favorite statement of the day was from listening to Drew and Deepti talk about their respective sleep experiences last night. Deepti has been suffering from a bit of insomnia, and so as we were discussing that at the breakfast table, each were sharing their dreams. Then Drew popped up with this observation: "I prefer a nightmare to a good dream because if you are having a good dream, you wake up from it and you're sad it's over."

It was the kind of insight that when I heard it, I was simply amazed. I suppose at this stage I should not be surprised by anything that either of them might say, but there is something to be said about the lack of fear of nightmares, and the real value to see the emotional depth it takes to appreciate that difference between false scary and good.

Waking up in an odd house

This morning, as I awoke from dreams of my past, I could not remember where I was. I was lying on a twin daybed, partially under covers and Drew was across the room. My computer was closed and nearby. And I could barely remember falling asleep. Then I realized that I was in Baltimore, and it all fell (somewhat) in place.

Mary Kathryn was mostly up at 7 am, reading messages and all (only to quickly fall back to sleep). Drew was sprawled on his bed across from me, and I felt like I wanted a few minutes of peace and quiet downstairs.

The shadows in the room were fascinating, and this was the sight I enjoyed as the sleep released its grip on my head, and I stepped out to see how the day might be. And it was great.

But now I lay in that twin daybed again, and prepare for the sleep to come, with the hope that tomorrow I won't awake in an odd house; instead I'll just be the home of friends.

Travel and Travails

Good day, with one meeting. Interesting morning after last night's "conversation" about the weekend and the kids. Late night last night because of racing mind following the mean words said and an early morning this morning to get kids to school and then get ready for meeting.

(Started this last night after we got to Baltimore, and fell asleep writing it. These late nights and early mornings have been killing me, even if they are well worth it.)

Tonight, we are in Baltimore, and are spending the weekend with Deepti and Uma, and seeing Uwe while we are here. He was able to greet us last night when we got to Deepti's house, and it was good to chat with and see the Reverend Doctor. Tonight's picture is one of Mary Kathryn's, taken while we were driving up I-95 just south of Washington. Said a lot about my day...

Don't know why this weekend feels bittersweet. Was in Tampa a year ago, and had a great time with my friends there, but remember the highlight being a call I received on Saturday while I was driving into Ybor City. Seems odd to have the things hit you by time, instead of by place. They just come at you out of nowhere.

The drive is almost always challenging, given the competing interests of the kids -- movies, music, topics for conversation, adjusting to sharing my drive time silence with them, intermittent bathroom breaks and the occasional dust-up over a random topic (tonight, it was the disappointment of one in the other's inability to see beyond the intense dislike of Justin Beiber). But there are also moments of utter enjoyment.

Mary Kathryn's direct statement that what she wanted was to sit, talk, listen to music and spend time with me rather than put on her headphones so I could listen to my book. It takes that kind of directness (which I really like) from her to put me right. It helped me re-center myself on where I was at that moment was better than where I had been due to the day's calls, emails, BS from client or partner, and I needed to mentally start the weekend. The time itself had not yet influenced sufficiently my brain, much like the way the Crown had not yet positively transformed the ginger into its tasty treat.

Drew repeatedly leaned forward to talk, bringing forward something to Mary Kathryn and I. To hear his lyrical voice, engaged in nearly every topic raised, is always like music to my ears, and I could tell it was for her too.

But the most touching moment came when we stopped for a bathroom break between Richmond and Washington. Mary Kathryn came out as Drew and I were scavenging in the canyons of food and snack options. She walked up to me, and clearly had been affected in some way, causing me to start a little panic before she could say anything. Then she shared that a woman was crying in the bathroom, and that she checked on her to see if she needed anything.

The powerlessness in her voice was drowning out the “good” that she knew had come from her asking. She shared stories of people who had committed suicide because they felt no one else cared in the world, and I could see that she would never, ever let a person she knew or even didn’t feel that they were unloved or that no one cared by her inaction. The quiet pride I felt as I held her in my arms, between the rows of nuts and chips, as she cried her tears, and I felt her shouldering the uncertainty of whether she’d said enough to help the woman overcome her moment of sadness, or fear, or anger, or doubt about her own life. It will remain a poignant memory – absolute pride in her, as she gave her energy, and love, and tried to carry the hopes and fears of another to lighten their load and prayed she didn’t fail. It is a feeling, and a fear, that I can completely understand. It carried with it my own feeling of sadness as I see her mature into the woman that she has always been.

Mountain Foggy Morning

This morning, coming off the mountain to my meetings in Hickory, the sun was rising and the fog was hanging heavily on the trees and the land. Tired was in my eyes, and in my head, but the first tinges of my Diet Pepsi and my Vyvanse were beginning to give me that morning etherial glow.

You could feel that fall was preparing to conquer the air, the trees, the smell and begin the cycle of hibernation for nature. But the temperature was still in the low 70's as I descended, and the distinct feel of humidity and summer was putting up a fierce defense.

I know how this battle would end, but the utter beauty of the moment stopped me cold, and made me appreciate the view, the promise of rest and success, and the feeling that nothing would stop me today.

Been challenged to think about my reaction to various things in the last few days. Space. Something unknown. People who like confrontation, but don't know how to deal with being confronted with their own issues. It's an area that I feel that I don't have my confidence down yet, and struggle to just say the right words. An area of focus to come...

I miss you... I don't know what to say or do. But I do think about you every day.

Confusion

So yesterday, I was driving around after some afternoon meetings, and came across this pair of signs. My first reaction was: that is weird. How can I be going north and south at the same time?

I pondered this question for a few more minutes, and then realized I had missed a turn and came back the way I came. When I came to this sign the second time, I turned around and parked to take this picture because I thought it would be a novelty. That's when I read it...

The moral of this story? Things may look the same -- doesn't mean that they are.