Layers

Working too late last night, but got my email "count" down to seven before I got in bed at 3 am. Up early to make sure I got the kids to school on time. Once the day's work had ended, and I was home alone in my quiet treehouse... I took a nap. My head kept falling over, and my eyes closing, and I laid down to a few minutes of rest that I apparently needed and deserved.

This morning, after my first tasks and appointments were done, I had some time left before I had to meet with Drew's therapist. Since I wasn't hungry, and there were no other things that needed to be done, I decided to go walk around Duke Gardens and take some pictures. It wasn't even close to something I would have done even a few years ago, but there was such joy, relaxation and revelation to be found in a few minutes in that serene environment.

I walked around. It was hot, but parking was free, and things in the garden I'd never found. Then it hit me: What I was "getting" from just being there was simply amazing. I walked along little paths, and my thoughts were filled with how I have changed, and how that has changed "who" I am. It made me fear the changes had caused the person that others knew, or respected, or loved was fundamentally different.

And it hit me. I finally accepted something that has been said to me many times in the last few months to be true: I am exactly who I ever have been. The great thing is that I am no longer masking that behind lies, or fears, or anything else that I used to try to keep my inperfections and flaws in the shadows. But I like who I am, and realize that the "change" is nothing more than being my most authentic self.

It was amazing how flowers blooming in the late summer sun, and little beads of sweat running down my back, and a camera in my hand allowed me to see something else that I just hadn't been paying enough attention to in my own head, and heart, and soul. It was there right in front of me all the time.