Drugs

...legal or otherwise, change people's lives. Had a long talk with a friend about love of ganja and how it's kept her young, and how she hadn't drunk alcohol in nearly 15 years. For me, drugs have literally saved my life.

I have high blood pressure. For the years before Christmas 2008, my doctors prescribed me a long list of medications to keep it in check, and I rarely took them. Oh I'd take 'em for a while, then not. I just never figured that it would really matter. It was just some silly medical condition that I worrying about was something other people did. Then it happened. I woke up that Monday morning, scared the hell out of my kids, my family and my love, and spent a few days at Duke — all because I was too damn stupid to take care of myself.

Now I take them every day, and am better because of it. My blood pressure the day I was admitted to Duke was 180/150. My last reading was 92/78.

The other great prescription drug I take is for ADD. I feel capable to get done what my otherwise miswired brain cannot get done -- focus on a single task. I love how I feel, until it goes away. That is the down side -- and it makes me completely understand why some live off of certain drugs. I hate the feeling of invincibility I lose when it goes away in the middle afternoon. And I know that it is the consequence, the trade off for those moments of clarity, of being well. What makes it worse is that nagging association I have with the loneliness at the end of the day — a pattern I will one day break.

This creates a conflict in my own head, in my responsibility as a parent. Last week I heard that Drew's ADD was a "mild" case, per his therapist, according to his mother. Today, I heard quite the contrary from the therapist himself. That unwillingness to consider the positives and the negatives — to only focus on the worst possible outcome — is irresponsible to me. Like nearly everything in life, there are tradeoffs. From my perspective, I don't want him to suffer any more in the classroom, in his social interactions, or otherwise. And I can't allow anyone to selfishly put their perspective ahead of his any longer.

So Nancy, I will do drugs, responsibly and legally. It will keep me healthy, allow me to focus on what is truly most important and let my son reach his potential. And others will make their own decisions.

Sorry for the diatribe. It's better than the one I started on fear.