Friday: Something...

...old. The 2005 Honda Accord Hybrid, which has now been officially designated "Mary Kathryn's car," is now my "old" car. With 200,000+ miles, it has been a trooper. I ordered this car in May 2004, with the local Honda dealership, and picked it up on December 28, 2004. Two accidents and more than a couple traffic tickets, this Honda has lived with me through some of the most dramatic changes in my life. More than anyone else (other than my children), this car has been my constant companion through my life changes — divorce, changes in jobs, living arrangements, responsibilities and disappointments — in these last 5.5 years. She's not gone, far from it, but she will give me a bit of security in a different way.

...new. Thursday I brought home my new car, a 2010 Lexus 450h. Granted, the red color was probably not a good call, I don't think I was prepared for how quiet it is, and how difficult it is to drive something new. The weight of the car is totally different, and the way it reacts to my "driving style" is completely different than how my Honda reacted. It will take some time, and I am trying to approach the new car with a fresh perspective in terms of keeping it clean.

I have to say I am proud of this car, because in one sense, it represents some sign of the professional success I've enjoyed over the last year. As bad as things have been at times in the last two years, to be able to have this new ride makes me feel that at one level, the future is brighter than I thought possible more than once in the last year. The anniversary of my last job change is this week, and to think that it was the deepest part of the valley of my professional life and to see where I am today makes me feel stronger and more confident about the fact that I am doing what I always should have been doing.

...borrowed. This old key was given to me a long time ago, and even though it no longer works, I have kept it on my key ring for longer than I probably should have. The act of changing keys due to the new car made me stop and think about what keys I keep, what they go to and whether I need them any more... This one I will keep, but for more sentimental reasons, but not on my keychain any more...

...blue. Something about all this new stuff -- buying a car, a good week with work, the trip to San Francisco, the recurrent memories of a year ago, and my uncertain mind and heart caused me to end the week with a bit of melancholy that I cannot justify. The nice thing is that I realize that I no longer have to justify to anyone else.

I grow weary of trying to explain it to anyone, or to understand it myself. A friend's status message this week hammered it home for me: "The thoughts that you think regarding the things that you want set into motion the creation and eventual fulfillment of that which you want. The thoughts you think regarding those things that you do not want set into motion the creation and eventual fulfillment of that which you do NOT want." At the end of the day, I control my destiny, and am thankful that God has given each of us the free will to think, to live, to love, and to be as we are brave enough to actually be.