Architecture and a Rant

As I believe I have mentioned before, architecture may be one of my favorite art forms. And Chicago is a town that is ripe ground for seeing, understanding and appreciating it even more. This town is so different than New York (as I believe I already mentioned this week), but the fact that I could spend $32 and take a 90 minute boat tour along the Chicago River and see over one hundred buildings with nearly every major style imaginable.

So I sat on the deck, and listened to a 90 year old docent (ok, that was mean -- she couldn't have been a day over 75) read the script and improvise about the various structures along this strip of water flowing around downtown. And I did what I do: I took pictures, particularly of those things that struck me.

Each of these buildings struck me, from the Aqua (above) which is a beautiful, neo-Modernist highrise residential tower with these totally funky balconies that are laid out all over the place on the building. What is very interesting is that the rhyme of the apparently organic layout is that it allows the building to withstand the Chicago/Lake Michigan winds in a more effective way than the traditional vertical alignment buildings can. And my favorite fact about the building: it is the tallest structure in the world designed by a woman. That alone makes it totally rock in my world.

The second picture is a bit of color change on the underside of one of Chicago's river bridges. The entire length of the river is crisscrossed by these steel bridges which rely on a cool weight balance system to raise them quickly with a reasonable amount of energy. Each bridge is a little different, and each has a different bridge house where an operator determines when it is time to raise the bridge to allow tall river traffic to pass through the downtown and mess traffic up.

My final two pics are of other things that struck me -- one with the Chicago flag flapping across the scene of two more residential structures along the river, while the final one is the reflection of the old Merchandise Mart in the windows of 333 Wacker Drive, which offers a relatively impressionist sketch of the old on the face of the new.
I have to say the most disappointing part of my trip is how freaking strip mall this place is. I am so disgusted by the fact that you can't go hardly any where (NYC, San Fran being exceptions) that you can find truly unique stores. I hate it!! (Sorry, this really chaps my ass, so I have to get it out...) I was walking downtown and found maybe one unique place and then it was chain restaurant this, and mall store that, and ugh... it was AWFUL!

I love that you can walk the length of Broadway and, with a few exceptions around Times Square, find at least one unique store in every block. I am not necessarily shopping but I like to find interesting and different and that was the hardest, and most disheartening, part of this exploration of Chicago. All this amazing art soaring to the sky, and not enough eye candy and tsotchkes to take home and collect dust or give as a gift...

Closing out the first half of the year...

I started this little project back in January in Richmond, solely for the purpose of making myself take pictures every day, and to see if I would get better at taking photographs along the way. Having looked back over these last few months, I see some places where I have gotten better and know the reasons why:

1. I take my time before clicking. Not always, but I am getting better about it since I nearly always keep the camera in manual mode. Only about one in a 100 photographs do I find myself saying "FUCK!" because I failed to check the shutter speed where it had been last night...

2. I frame better and I don't take as many pictures that I just won't keep, but I find that I take more pictures trying to capture the light or get the shutter speed right to move on.

3. I am better with a flash than I was. I used to hate it and now I am increasingly comfortable with it, but still tinkering with fill flash, bouncing the light and finding that balance between the two ways that it can help or hurt a picture. It is an area that I intend to do more work.

4. I am better at capturing a shot that I think will be interesting, to me or to others. That ability is something that I have heard called a million things but still feels like 90% luck and 10% skill. But when I capture something I like, I am happy.

But I also have to thank my Banner Elk schoolmate for the challenge to write with my blog. It has been the best part of this exercise. I get out of my head, and my heart, and my soul the things that are laying heavy and momentarily lighten the burden. I am occasionally shocked to find that someone emails me when I have not been posting, or to get an email out of nowhere telling me how something I wrote touched them. I have sat before this computer and cried as I wrote something, or had the tears pour out of me because of an email from a reader.

I have been called brave, which I don't get, and hopeless, which I do. But my journey is my journey. And I am blessed to have a place to share it without fear, without worry, without judgment.

I close this evening with words given to me from my favorite regular horoscope, which is nearly always as snarky as I can be, but was pretty profound today:

How well are you capitalizing on this year's unique opportunities, Aries? Since we're halfway through 2010, let's take an inventory. I'm hoping you're well underway in the heroic task of conquering your past. It has been and will continue to be prime time for you to wean yourself from unresolvable energy-drains. So exorcise irksome ghosts, please! Pay off ancient debts! Free yourself from memories that don't serve you! You're finally ready to graduate from lessons you've had to learn and re-learn and re-re-learn. The coming months will bring you even more opportunities to finish up old business that has demanded too much of your time and energy.

A good agenda for the next six months. I hope it means something good in my future, but if I knew the outcome... wouldn't make the journey that interesting, would it?

Playing dress up...

Tonight is the one night a year we all dress up and go to dinner with our professional association. I will have to say that the Gordon dinner is definitely not my cup of tea, but I do it because if I don't... well, let's just say that there are consequences. Of course the Clam Chowder story has taken on mythical qualities even if it is still told almost completely without exaggeration.

So tonight I dressed up in my black suit (that's close enough to a tux for me) and wore a bowtie (that I, of course, tied) and had bad food, good drink and a great time with my friends. Of course the Gordon is always a little bittersweet because it means that national convention is almost over and I nearly always enjoy the event itself.

Being in Chicago this year was fun, but next year in San Antonio will be different because it is a town I've never been to and lots of elections craziness should be forthcoming. It's kinda high school, but what the hell -- gotta have fun somehow.

Loved the iChatting and puzzled by it all, but that's ok too...

Let's go have some fun!

Monday in Chicago

Woke up a bit hung over this AM... great time with the NCAHU folks, sat at the bar and talked business for a couple hours and then to bed. Too many beers, but not hurting too bad. Just needed some ever present water and a number of tylenols...

Funny how you go out of town and all you do is work the entire time. Today, I probably worked like I rarely can at home since I have meetings all the time. But you have to love the views in this town.

I have been asked too many times: so do you like Chicago or New York better. I am not sure I have an answer to that question. I like each of them in different ways. I love the architecture in this town -- lots of diversity, and always an interest in building something new or different. The views along the river (which is more like a canal than a river) are great. The town is more compact and, because of pure luck of the draw, the weather is incredible. NYC always stinks this time of year.

But I love the city in a different way. It always makes me think of Matt & Ann, Thanksgiving, cupcakes from Magnolia and the way it is such a different place in so many ways. I could live in Manhattan and never could live in this town. Cold takes on an entirely different meaning in the other half of the year. But Chicago is good for a visit for sure.

Found this on a friend's blog today:

love to love

it's simple and true. i love my family, i love animals, friends, partners, romance, all the sweet delights in life. i love to give love and who doesn't love feeling loved?

"Love is a fire and I am wood."~Rumi

we are drawn to love because that is what we all crave more of. and we crave love because that is what WE are made of! love brings us to our true nature. we are consumed by it because we want to know who we really are, and love allows us to experience that...

We are all challenged in what we think and what we do. We do the right thing more often than we don't, and yet can never deny the draw of our heart. Why then do we walk away from it when it is right there? Too many reasons.

Have a blessed evening...and thanks for the chat tonight.

Chicago at Night

My friend Addy inspired me out the door last night to search for the moon, in its fullest stage. At first she was hiding out and therefore hard to find, but when I found luna behind the clouds, the photos of the moon were eerie. But I actually appreciated the photos of the southside of Michigan Avenue the most, and therefore offer it as my photo tonight.

Beginning to feel a little sick, and now going back to bed, but thanks for getting me out of the door... It's amazing what you will find when you just get out there.

Different Worlds, all within 12 hours...

Woke up this morning in Rutherfordton, in a twin bed (which I don't think I had done intentionally in a very long time) and enjoyed a few minutes with Eric, his mom and his son over breakfast. Then I packed it up and drove home so I could watch a little soccer before heading off to Chicago.

The first picture today is from Shelby, a great sign, with even better type, on a 'cue restaurant right off US 74. It was so good I turned around to get the picture because I feared I would forget if I "waited until next time." So I didn't...

My drive home was full of music -- I listened a lot to the mix of stuff on my iPod in the car — and thoughts. I cannot drive anywhere without her on my mind. But today, the memories were of the first time we met, then really met and then finally had a discussion. About going to the lake the first time, and how distant it all seemed today...

The second picture was from the Orange Line ride into Chicago. It seemed so different from where I had started my day. I sat across from two younger German women -- both in their early 20's, when two very young teenage African American girls hopped on for only a few stops. The women in the back were Indian, and the cultural diversity of the 10 foot radius around me was shifting constantly as I had my 30 minute ride from Midway into the loop.

It was a long way from the 9th green in Rutherfordton to the high-rise hotels on Wacker Drive in Chicago. None of it was unfamiliar or uncomfortable, but the change of scenery is doing me good.

Friday: Old Friends, Old Memories...

Today, and tonight, were affirmations of my past and my ability to manage my current. I started the day late – to sleep nine hours is usually an indication of a rising illness – and then dealt with the misrepresentations of my past at the hands of a former employer and a current competitor. People can be very disappointing, especially when their sole objective is not to win, but simply to keep me from succeeding. To see them lose was a reminder that karma has her own way of guiding outcomes for each one of us.

This afternoon I actually enjoyed a leisurely drive west to Rutherfordton, to time with my friends from many, many moons ago. It is always fun to see how my relationship with certain people in my life never truly changes — to see Eric, and to spend time with his parents, and his son was a reminder of how our friendship has been a great constant in my life since 1984.

Eric was one of the first people I met at NCSSM – he lived across the hall from me and though we can from different and similar places, we pretty quickly hit it off. His easy humor, his overwhelmingly mischievous nature, and our jointly plotting evil minds caused us to have some great laughs. While he still drives like he’s 60 years old, he is a great combination of seriousness and laughter. It is that laughter that I wish I had more of in my own life.

And tonight, we sat in his parents’ kitchen, with a bunch of people from our younger days and remembered the hilarious acts, antics and mishaps of our youth director at First Presbyterian in Rutherfordton (which is pronounced as quickly as possible as to make it seem to be a single syllable). While I cannot tell you a single time I stepped foot in the church, the trips I got to enjoy as a castaway on their spring voyages to the beach or elsewhere during the summers were great memories. Ann, the good soul that she is, sat in the middle of the dining room with her husband of 25+ years and owned every one of these memories.

As I age, I look back on those memories not with sadness for what had been, but joy for what simply was. It was a good perspective to take to bed this night.

Thursday: Bartenders

Tonight, celebrated a birthday at Poole’s in downtown Raleigh. It is a fabulous restaurant with its menu on the wall, changing with the season, the bounty of the earth and the imagination of the chef. It is the kind of place that I love – where there are no reservations, no classes of patrons, and a wonderful spirit of people working within its four walls and three dimensions.

But the well-made drinks and unique wines were described with an artistry that few can truly appreciate. A citrusy wine that were not words memorized from a sales rep, but remembered from a personal experience. I had a bourbon drink to start the night that coupled an expressive orange with a ginger liqueur that morphed with each sip. The wine was opened with ease, and served cold, with an ever fresh glass to keep it where it should be – not so cold that it freezes the teeth and masks the taste, but cool enough to remind you that it was 100 freaking degrees outside.

A good meal, served in a sincere way, is one of life’s great joys. Most of mine have been had in a restaurant, of varying environments, and I could remember most by the food, the company and the conversation (in that order). Tonight’s was a keeper.

The aftermath, of just enjoying what God has painted on the sky, and in our lives, was good, but I felt the melancholy in my soul began to strengthen then overwhelm. It kept me from really enjoying – the alcohol was not cutting the sting – and I fall asleep tonight with the distinct thought that I cannot keep my eyes a moment longer for fear they may be filled with tears for reasons far more complicated than a wilted love or an uncertain emotion.

But the moon – from the parking lot of Whole Foods in Raleigh, where I can never go without thinking of my friends Matthew, Ann and Peter, was remarkable in its dance with the clouds and colors of a closing day…

Wednesday: The View

The view on life is precious. This photo was taken actually last night, but its discovery caused me to realize that it was something that inspired me to write, and channel my memories into something.

Today, and frankly for the last two weeks, I have been extraordinarily sad. Not for any particular reason, and probably due in part to the time of year, the extraordinary heat and the difficulty I have in setting my mind in firm with where I want to be.

I sat tonight with one of my closest friends, and heard her describe sitting in the hospital with her father last summer as he was trying to survive 70+ days in the hospital from diabetic and heart related complications. As she described being in his room for hours, as the nurses would check on him hourly, and how the love she had for her father was evident in the relationship she doted on each one, learning something different about his status with each visit, it made me think of the one person who was with me throughout my 96 hours at Duke.

How she shared that little bed with me, and the absolute grace and love that she brought to every moment in that hospital room. I think about how disappointed she was in me, and I was in myself, and how she still loved me through it all. And to think that she might not love me now makes me sick to my stomach, mad at myself, and doubt so much about what I believe in my heart. And then I realize that that perspective is all my own. I am ignoring the very nature of love that caused her to be there, to take me to the emergency room, and to be there, to defend me and to reflect her love into me as I recovered. I am strengthened by that love, love that I believe to still be there in its original form, and now have been able to earn that love by my very change in my soul.

That view is more important than anything else.

Tuesday: Family Meals

Tonight, I sat and watched my family talk: my cousin, her parents, my uncle Herman and his wife, Leona and my parents, over a bowl of grits, ham, stew and fruit with jalapeños, and was amazed at the way life develops. None of my grandparents lived to the age that my uncles have, and still have life and verve.

Today, I worked on various marketing tasks, and caught up on numerous items undone on my long list of such things. I spent time with friends, co-workers, people I know and like, and some I don’t like at all, but was blessed by each interaction. I drove my new car, and realized that life can slow down, and I can enjoy the little moments of the day.

And I thought – thought lots, and make me think even deeper thinks about where I am, what I want, and how getting there is something I have no control over. Then tonight, I laid in bed, and let the waves of melancholy roll over me, until I realized that the only option I had was to sleep. And so, I will go to sleep, and let those fears, those loves, those thoughts, and the breath that sustains them all move me forward like trash on the waves.

Noise

There's a lot of noise in this picture, and frankly in my head. Noise, in the digital photograph world, means that the ISO is set too high (for the purpose of capturing more light in an otherwise dark photograph), but the impact is that the pixels in the picture are very, very obvious. The lack of clarity makes the need for light such a bad trade-off that you don't really know what to make of it.

Sounds like about half of my waking thoughts. But I liked what a co-worker shared today about two conversations happening at once -- one that you hear and the other that is going on in the person's head. It makes me sad that we can't just say what we want, what we mean, and stop being afraid of that which we cannot control. "i really believe that love is simple, but then fear creates jealously and distrust and makes us do stupid things..." It is sad that I can see that noise in my own life in the past, and to a degree in the present about things from the past.

Clear the noise, make way for the clarity -- don't sacrifice light for obscureness, in photographs or in life.

Friday: Something...

...old. The 2005 Honda Accord Hybrid, which has now been officially designated "Mary Kathryn's car," is now my "old" car. With 200,000+ miles, it has been a trooper. I ordered this car in May 2004, with the local Honda dealership, and picked it up on December 28, 2004. Two accidents and more than a couple traffic tickets, this Honda has lived with me through some of the most dramatic changes in my life. More than anyone else (other than my children), this car has been my constant companion through my life changes — divorce, changes in jobs, living arrangements, responsibilities and disappointments — in these last 5.5 years. She's not gone, far from it, but she will give me a bit of security in a different way.

...new. Thursday I brought home my new car, a 2010 Lexus 450h. Granted, the red color was probably not a good call, I don't think I was prepared for how quiet it is, and how difficult it is to drive something new. The weight of the car is totally different, and the way it reacts to my "driving style" is completely different than how my Honda reacted. It will take some time, and I am trying to approach the new car with a fresh perspective in terms of keeping it clean.

I have to say I am proud of this car, because in one sense, it represents some sign of the professional success I've enjoyed over the last year. As bad as things have been at times in the last two years, to be able to have this new ride makes me feel that at one level, the future is brighter than I thought possible more than once in the last year. The anniversary of my last job change is this week, and to think that it was the deepest part of the valley of my professional life and to see where I am today makes me feel stronger and more confident about the fact that I am doing what I always should have been doing.

...borrowed. This old key was given to me a long time ago, and even though it no longer works, I have kept it on my key ring for longer than I probably should have. The act of changing keys due to the new car made me stop and think about what keys I keep, what they go to and whether I need them any more... This one I will keep, but for more sentimental reasons, but not on my keychain any more...

...blue. Something about all this new stuff -- buying a car, a good week with work, the trip to San Francisco, the recurrent memories of a year ago, and my uncertain mind and heart caused me to end the week with a bit of melancholy that I cannot justify. The nice thing is that I realize that I no longer have to justify to anyone else.

I grow weary of trying to explain it to anyone, or to understand it myself. A friend's status message this week hammered it home for me: "The thoughts that you think regarding the things that you want set into motion the creation and eventual fulfillment of that which you want. The thoughts you think regarding those things that you do not want set into motion the creation and eventual fulfillment of that which you do NOT want." At the end of the day, I control my destiny, and am thankful that God has given each of us the free will to think, to live, to love, and to be as we are brave enough to actually be.

Playing Catch-up...

Happy Father's Day! I am blessed in many ways, not least of which is by my children, and the way they have taught me about love.

I have been taught by many men on how to be a father, and some on how NOT to be a father, but I also blessed to have my father show me more than I thought I could learn, implicitly and explicitly. Like nearly everything in life, I have come to appreciate all of it more as a parent than I ever did as a child.

I have had quite a few people ask me about the blog this week and I am planning tonight to get everything caught up. I am sorry... It has been a strange week for me in many ways and so I am doing my best to get stuff together in my body, in my mind, emotionally and otherwise.

Thanks to Erica for taking this picture of the kids and I at Alivia's today...

Saturday: Props

Took some model photographs today, and tried out some of the new things I learned about light, and flashes in particular, and I feel better about what I have learned.

Today's photo shoot used this muscle car as the prop. One thing I have learned from taking model pics in the last few weeks is that a model always looks better in context, and even better with a prop. Sometimes the prop is something simple, like a flower or some object, occasionally it is something that sets the scene as this car did, and then it turns out that from time to time, the prop is just another person -- usually in the case with models, a good looking, but obviously shallow, man.

Sad how much that reminds me how little I seem to enjoy taking these pictures. Some of the people involved (to be clear, not everyone is like this) have huge egos, and are ultimately easily influenced by how good a picture of them comes out. It becomes something that makes me have to accept the intellectual challenge is something I have to seek in nearly every setting in my life.

Education on Lights

Today was a day of recovery -- from flying, from life, and a return to normalcy. A good morning of release and getting caught up on work, then a visit to Fayetteville. It was HOT as hell there, which is occasionally shocking that it can be that warm there, even when it is hot in Morrisville.

On the way home, I had a great couple calls, and a wonderful few minutes of hope about that part of my heart. Then tonight, I went to a great class on fashion photography taught by my friend Fran's former roommate. I will say that it was probably the most helpful couple hours about lighting, and how it impacts great photography, that I had ever had. The use of backlights to provide form, additional light to show the hair and how lightboxes, barndoors, and filters to provide a better scene.

Flash, and lights, are an aspect of photography that I have not yet ventured too far into, mainly out of fear. But tonight, I was inspired to try something new.

D300 20mm f/3.5 1/15 ISO 400

Homeward Bound

On our flight home, both tired from a long, long day of flying, and ready to be home, in our own beds, Mary Kathryn and I neared Raleigh-Durham with a bit of sadness flavoring the overall aftertaste of our week together. I will go home with great memories, wonderful images of the two of us together, blue fuzzies on everything I own (because of the sweatshirt) and a smile in my heart because of the opportunity to spend time with my daughter.

Back to work tomorrow.

California sunset

As our trip draws to a close, the last full day in California was one of repairs, travel and exhaustion. After a failed attempt to get up this AM to walk the bridge (besides it was foggy), I spent a big part of the morning getting the battery in Ja'Nene's car replaced. She had been kind enough to let MK and I borrow it, and to get it home, I had to install a new one since the old one had died. It was an adventure, and not really the kind I mind. I was able to find the store, get there, get the battery, get back and replace it in pretty good time.

After all that, Mary Kathryn and I got on the road, for what figured to be a pretty laid back trip to Sacramento. We drove across the penisula to the Pacific, which was an incredibly long trip. For the record, it is a damn long way from Union Square to the ocean, but worth it. MK and I walked along the cliffs by Cliff Side, a restaurant built on the base of an old hotel on the coast. While she had her shoes stolen, it was fun being on the ocean, in the cool fog, and seeing the cold waves crashing along the rocks...

Afterwards, we kept driving up the coast so I could get a couple new perspectives on the bridge, and I was blessed by what I was able to capture. The south viewing areas were a treat, but COLD and in the middle of fog. This picture shows well how the wind and clouds were wrapping arounds the hills, and made getting the pics a bit more of an adventure. But were were both prepared for it, and eventually MK did not join me since she cut her foot a little while climbing on the cliffs...

We drove on to Sacramento, with a brief stop in Mill Valley for Taco Bell for the daughter and then along the northern bay to head back. Tonight we are at Ja'Nene and Patrick's house, having just returned from seeing A-Team, and about to eat dinner. They have been super hosts and we have both enjoyed their company greatly. The last photo is one I took while hanging out the passenger window on Patrick's Jeep of the sun setting toward the Pacific. Polk was right -- California and the west were our destiny, and I believe mine as well.

Walking, walking, walking...

We are tired of walking. Mary Kathryn and I woke up this morning and could not go do a walk across the bridge because our car would not start so we headed out on the town to walk. I think that neither of us ever want to walk again. We went from our hotel, to Sears Fine Foods for breakfast, then the unbelievable Farmers Market at the San Francisco Ferry Building for a wide collection of goodies. We enjoyed a pound of mixed cherries (half Bing, half Rainier), some almonds and bought some hot Korean red garlic for a friend who loves both hot and garlic. I'm sure she'll make something yummy with it! Then we walked down the Embarcadero to the Aquarium of the Bay so that MK's love of aquarii (that should be the plural of aquariums, so deal with it spell check!) could be sated. They have these amazing tubes that allow you to walk under the bay and see the sea life in their natural habitat. I think she loved it!

Afterwards, we returned to the Farmers Market to recover something I lost (which I will share more about later) and then walked around the art market across the street. Incredibly talented individuals who set up booth to sell all these goods made with their hands and their hearts and we did the best kind of window shopping. But afterwards, we were pooped.

Returning to the hotel to bring back what we had bought "so we wouldn't have to carry it," we both laid on the bed, and rested for a couple hours while the US and England played to a 1-1 tie. Then... out and about again. Apparently young women love Century 21 and H&M, so I assisted today in the shopping at the previous store since I had already done my H&K duty the day before. Who knows where I will wind up today. Then Patrick and Ja'Nene Kane came to town and the fun really began.

I love to introduce people to my children because they really are not children. Fascinating conversations and they are such real people. And if I thought they rattled on needlessly (well, Drew does occasionally), I would stop them. But watching Mary Kathryn hold her own was so impressive. She is so smart, and worldly, and does it all without the obvious need to make herself look important. As the four of us walked down to Anchor & Hope (a great!!! seafood restaurant in SoMo in what appeared to be an old firehouse), the two of them talked and talked and talked as I scared them in my street crossing styles.

After dinner, we decided to walk our unbelievable meals off (the women enjoyed steak and Patrick and I both had this Ahi dish that was complex and wonderful) because we could barely move. So back to Union Square so I could find a Three Lions jersey (no luck) and to just prattle on. Patrick received his nickname from Mary Kathryn -- Wonderbread -- because of a pair of shorts she saw at Quicksilver that was the same pattern as the Wonder Bread bag. And that will be his name now FOREVER.

We ended our night at Northern Lights -- the original Beat generation bookstore, in North Beach, and then walked through Chinatown to get back to the hotel, walking, laughing, and, of course taking pictures. As we parted in the lobby of the Hilton, I was pleased that the Kanes were sadder to see Mary Kathryn go as they were to say good night to me. I am a blessed daddy...

So now as I prepare to lay my head down to rest, I want to share with you one funny aspect of this trip: I have lost, and recovered, something every day here. On Wednesday, when Gene dropped us off at the airport, I nearly let him drive off with the boarding passes and did let him leave with the iPad and my to-do list. Thankfully I realized it before we left and he kindly returned to the airport so I could collect it (hey, it has my work, and my books, and my pictures, and... I just wanted it, ok!?!?!? No, I am NOT addicted to it.... ok, David, breathe... it's ok...).

Thursday, as we were boarding the plane, I dropped my cell phone in my checked bag and then freaked out looking for it. But as I discussed then, I actually was ok with it when I realized that I had not really lost it, but it had to be in my bag. Friday, I could not find the keys to Ja'Nene's car for a little while, which cause me great panic. But Saturday's loss was nearly the worst reaction. At the aquarium, I asked MK for a lens I was sure (and I was wrong in being so sure) had asked her to hold. She didn't have it. I panicked. I blamed her (wrongly) and then began backtracking to figure out where I had left it. We discovered it had been left at the place where I had bought almonds, and they still had it, thank GOD! But the hard part was not apologizing and accepting blame (because I actually do that better than I should)... When I had it back, Mary Kathryn asked me if finding it was like finding a lost child. I said, 'no.' She seemed surprised and I just looked at her and said: "I could buy a new lens, and yes while I love my camera, finding my child who I thought I lost would be such a different reaction than this. You are irreplaceable and my joy would be so different, that I cannot describe it." And she smiled a little inside, asked me to buy her a water and some Skittles, and we walked, hand-in-hand, out into the sun again.

Have a blessed day, friends...

the rest of the day...

Mary Kathryn and I have arrived in my favorite city in the world. The why behind I love this city is not obvious I suppose. The wind, the weather, it being the first real "city" I ever went to as an adult, the beauty of so many of its structure, and its people, and its food... OK, so you get the point.

This is my 10th trip to San Francisco, dating back to 1993 when Harry Kaplan took Bob Joyce, Mac McCorkle and I to San Francisco for a meeting following the adoption of the small group reform act in Raleigh. It was far colder than I expected (insert Twain quote here) and just as remarkable. The pyramid, the Golden Gate Bridge, and its hilly streets, and bodegas, and beggars, and guys selling you camera equipment or luggage you don't need. In the years since, I have journeyed here to keep soaking it up, to find something new or to just be here. Last summer's trip was inspiring as much as it was excruciatingly lonely, but a reminder of the solace to be found in this town.

MK and I stopped in Berkeley on the way in -- she has spoken from time to time of attending the University of California (CA, like NC, has a primary state university, but shares the name with a number of other wannabes...). A nice campus, and a great chance for us to walk around and see some place new. She got a sweatshirt, and I bought a cap, and I got some cool pics to add to the day's haul (but none made the cut). Of course my favorite moments were MK walking in a little stream that ran through campus, and me taking a picture of her at the Gate in the middle of campus, purely for the purpose embarrassing the shit out of her. It worked, gleefully...

This evening we walked around the city, ate at a wonderful restaurant, and enjoyed some of these precious moments together. I love that she loves shopping with me, and that I am more patient today than I used to be. Had a few revelations of things that bother me, and that I need to work on, but those will be shared a different day.

For now, the sun has set on the Pacific, the fog is rolling into the Bay, and the lights of the bridge and this city make me glad to close my eyes here tonight.

Sacramento Morning

The reality of the last year struck home today, as I started my day at the site of my initial journey into this land of photography. Some feeling of accomplishment in all that this year of perspective has given me -- and all I still feel that I must yet do.

So I did the thing that has kept me centered and grounded over the last year -- I repeated a pattern of good behavior and went out to see what I would see different this time. And I was pleasantly surprised at what I did see in an entirely different way. Looking at those photos I took on June 12, 2009, there is lots of fascination with buildings, and architectural features and some fauna, mainly around the State Capitol building and the modernist structures in its vicinity. This year, there was a desire to move off the ground, so I went to the top of a parking deck that overlooks downtown. I walked the streets to see what struck me. And I wasn't underdressed like I was last year.

This alleyway, with its beautifully painted corner attempting to distract from what was obviously in the path, reflects that new view, of life, its reality and how it can capture the dichotomy of nearly every city in America -- clean streets, the working alleys a reflection of the work it takes to get and keep those streets presentable.

So to me, my vision is clearer, my heart is stronger, my resolve is greater and I move into this new year of exercising my eyes and my camera finger, I am excited for what it may behold.

D300 18mm f/4.5 1/100 ISO 400

Goodbye Austin...

We had a great day in Austin, and a long trip to Sacramento. The air was hot in Texas, and not very warm in Sac when we arrived, but I suppose that's why California's weather is so appealing to me.

Mary Kathryn woke up this morning still suffering from her sinus related ear issues which had made her trips on the plane not very pleasant (for her, or for her daddy). We finally got up and moving and went to get some new medicine to try and cure that issue. Afterwards, we enjoyed the shopping around North Lamar, including seeing the original Whole Foods, their incredible independent bookstore and a few other cool shops. She pointed out Chico's sheepishly because it reminder her of Ruth, and their time shopping...

Mary Kathryn had lunch with Isabella, a friend from Duke School whose family moved to Austin a couple years ago. I think that was a treat for her -- to be "left alone" (with Izzy's mom not far away) while I went to do my speaking engagement with the Austin Association of Health Underwriters. I have a number of friends in the association and our talk on HIPAA Privacy, Security and HITECH was, I hope, mutually enjoyable.

After a hectic trip to the airport, and trying to get everything out of the car so that we could make our plane on time, I was stressed to the max. I hate it when I get like that since it keeps me from enjoying life and breathing through those stressful moments. And, of course, in the middle of it, I dropped my cell phone in my suitcase that I checked, and then freaked out because I was about to follow up on a phone call I had just had about "other business" and had no phone to do so. But, the healthiest sign so far was that I let it go. There was nothing to do about it and I was ok with that. A few hours out of contact was not something I could not survive.

My favorite part though has been the fun Mary Kathryn and I have had giving each other a hard time. We stood in the line to board the plane in LA, and picked on each other. I was trying to steal her pen, and she was holding her index finger up at me to get me to stop. We laughed, and then sat quietly beside each other on our flights, reading, doing Sudoku or watching a movie, and just breathed the same air. She is such a wonderful companion on these trips. She understood how important she is when I told her that she was one of two women I would sit in the middle seat for... That knowing gaze gets me some times...

The pair of pictures is from art that graces the walkway from the terminal to the parking deck at the Austin airport. The sun, and the moon, brightly showing the way...

Austin City

Tonight, MK and I will lay our heads down in the Hotel Driskill in downtown Austin. If you've never been here, a very, very cool place. The first weird thing that Mary Kathryn noticed though was that there were cars driving around in TEXAS with pro-Obama stickers on them! I had to explain to her that Austin is like Chapel Hill, but I too was taken aback by the strong level of support for our president here in the middle of this bright-red state.

A good day of traveling, but the funniest thing said all day was Mary Kathryn's commentary on how she packed in case the plane was torn in half and we landed on a magical island. When I told her that the TSA might frown upon her taking peanut butter (for Claire), she was very upset. She is so easy to travel with, and we had a very uneventful trip from RDU to Austin.

Tonight we enjoyed a nice dinner at Moonshine, and then drove and walked all over South Congress looking at the interesting shops. MK got a t-shirt that said "Someone in Missouri Loves Me!" which she figures must be true, but she just doesn't know who it is yet... But her swimmer's ear (from the flight), and our exhaustion have brought us back to the hotel a little earlier than either of us originally planned.

I really liked some of my shots today, but this one, of a boot shop on South Congress was my favorite. BTW, the damn Capitol here is huge (and filled with nuts, but enough politics for now), and I went "WOW!" when I first saw it.

Off to Sacramento tomorrow (after speaking to the Austin AHU).

D300 18mm 1/1600 f/3.5 ISO 1600

No Pic Today :-(

Faithful readers, I have been crazy busy today. Woke in Asheville, spoke to two groups, for four hours, on health care reform, before driving home. Been packing, preparing for a day of travel to Austin, Texas tomorrow with Mary Kathryn, and trying to clean up/straighten up here. I hope to make it up tomorrow.

Thanks for your call today... I do love you...

Monday, Monday...

It was Monday all day. Drew, despite 10 hours of sleep, could not get moving... Mary Kathryn and I were moving like we have to, then I drove to Hickory...

Three meetings, a couple hundred miles and a business dinner have left me a tired puppy... And it was definitely Monday at times -- could not get on the internet for a sales meeting, then couldn't get the demo site working...

But I loved this scene outside the Book Store Wine Bar across from the Grove. Can't come to Asheville, especially here, without thinking about that late February weekend.

This pic, with its shaking creating such cool shapes, made it a keeper.

D300 36mm f/4.5 1/2 ISO 400

Missed you today.

Softball

This bleak field had been emptied of the fleshy bodies that had cooked under the sun, soaked their clothes, and lost any damn way.

I love to play softball. I hate the after-effects of softball (I will feel creaky as a 100-year-old chair tomorrow, I can tell), but I love to get out and play. But when it is 95° and 100% humidity (at least it felt that humid), the after-effects are dramatic. I think I drank a 1/2 gallon of water, and just sat in the car with the air conditioning running as high as it could... By the time I got home, I was so tired, I could barely move from my couch for a couple hours. But Drew did note that I began sounding better by 7 pm...

I have to say that the emotional state of mind of post-softball Sundays was nearly as debilitating as last year. I remember telling my counselor last summer that I never wanted to return to this lonely existence, and the reality that I was where I was because of my own bad acts made it even worse. But coming home to the kids made it all better.

If you missed the Les Grossman ads for the MTV Movie Awards, you need to see them, particularly if you enjoyed Tom Cruise/Les in Tropic Thunder. Probably the only Tom Cruise appearance in a movie in 20 years that I have genuinely enjoyed.

Night...

D300 18mm f/3.5 1/6400 ISO 400

Chauffeur

Today was a day of driving over 100 miles for the purpose of serving as the personal driver for two children.

The day started with delivering Mary Kathryn to a bat mitzvah in Durham (yes, I still think about the first one I ever attended...), then a trip to Target for Drew to buy his boy Noah a birthday present. Then Drew was safely delivered to Noah's house for his adventure to Great Wolf Lodge. Then I returned back to the synagogue to pick up MK so that I could take her to Target (do you see a trend here?)... But it was probably the best part of my day since I got to help her pick out what she was going to wear to the party, which was affirming that she felt comfortable shopping with me and receiving my opinion in such a positive way. I am (NOT) sure that it will always be this way...

After a lunch with her cross-country team (which I was not allowed t0 attend), I took her to Caroline's house so they could get ready for the bat mitzvah party and I went home for a nap. Mind you, we left my place at 9:15 or so and I got home at 4:45. I was more tired than I am from a day of talking to clients or prospects... After the nap, some fun at the pool, Chinese food and then home before I went to get her from the Kings Daughters' Home/Inn in Durham.

Tonight's pic is from the exterior of the bed & breakfast and a nice representation of the architecture of the building...

Big anniversary coming up next week - the first photos I took on this journey were on June 12, 2009. Looking forward to celebrating...

D300 65mm f/5.0 1/1.2 ISO 400

Embarrassed...

If you are the parent of a child, regardless of their age, and you are listening to some cool funk that your cool kid has put together on Garage Band, DO NOT AIR GUITAR IT in the middle of the computer room. He is not think you are cool. He may have a horrified look on his face. He may not want to be seen in public with you ever again.

A good day, other than the editing, and a good night with the kids (after a movie and some random food). And for the record, it is way too hot for my tastes...

D300 18mm f/6.3 1/100 ISO 400

Simple Beauty

Tonight's first photo is Mary Kathryn at tonight's celebration for Dr. Gerald Boarman's retirement as Chancellor of the NC School of Science and Math. Mary Kathryn had to dress up, but only so much since she refused to change out of Eli's shoes...It was wonderful to see the reaction of folks at the reception to both of them, but particularly Mary Kathryn being at my side, speaking so eloquently about a book, or the summer, or her sincere desire to attend NCSSM in the future.

Walking out the reception, she stopped by the simple column on the porch and began to subtlety pose. When I was clueless to her signals, she simply asked: "Dad, can you take my picture?" I was lucky to have such a beautiful model this evening.

---

I got to enjoy beauty in a different way today in a different package -- beautiful hands, a unique ring, a well-made shirt and the way the silk knots in her french cuffs brought it all together-- which was striking in an entirely different way. There was plenty more I could have photographed, this to me, but watching her talk so eloquently with her hands was the epitome of a few hours shared at the lunch table.

Steadfast in my thoughts, in my heart, in my life, and in the journey. Open to what will come next.

D300 31mm f/5.6 1/250 ISO 400

Hotel Cat

It's always fun to see how much animals touch our lives. At the Hampton Inn in Franklin, NC, there is a beautiful cat who had two kittens. They, along with a dog, apparently run the place because everyone, including me, had to stop to talk to them. The owner apparently hate cats, but the staff love them. As we were leaving, they had a small cadre of people, with cars parked sideways and a blower out to make sure that no kitten had crawled into the inner workings of a car. It was pretty amazing...

This little one was so cute and his hiding place so secure... The right way to start your day.

For me, a longer day than usual, with three appointments and drove about 300 miles home. Something to look forward tomorrow with lunch but am so tired, I cannot keep my head up. Probably means that I will be up until 3 am...

D300 200mm f/5.6 1/125 ISO 400

Whole lotta miles

Today, I passed 200,000 miles on my 2005 Honda Accord Hybrid. She's a trooper (and she's seen a few of them too, but that's another story...). I can tell you exactly where I was when I passed 100,000 miles (under the bridge at MM152 on Interstate 40/85 west, near Mebane), and today's hallmark occurred about MM79 on Interstate 40 west.

I've had my car approximately 65 months, which means I've driven approximately 36,000 miles a year over that period of time. While the days of her semi-retirement are fast approaching, she has a new potential driver on the horizon. She and MK will make a good pair, as long as I can get the governor on the accelerator before then...

Tonight's photo was in downtown Franklin. After dinner, I drove around to see what might strike my eye. I am slowly collecting courthouses, so I went to take a photo of Macon County's 1960's era structure. Lots of brick, nice architectural pieces to it (no, there is no photograph of it here...), but very perfunctory. Very unlike the ones from Cherokee and Jackson Counties that I have taken in the last few weeks.

But as I was turning around to go back down the street toward the hotel, I noticed a weathervane atop this building and then the clouds behind it really caught my eye. I had to move down the street a bit to get the perspective and the combination of the two the way I wanted. And when I did, I was very pleased.

Had a good long drive today, with a couple productive stops along the way. A great conversation with some perspective on a damaged friendship, and its impact on family relationships, and a great way to start my drive west. Had a great email from Drew tonight, and a few minutes with MK about how it doesn't count as holding your breath if you are breathing through your nose, and how she can hear Jim Dale's voice when she is reading Harry Potter books.

I am filled with blessings today in so many ways, but feel this rock in my chest tonight for reasons I cannot fully understand. Maybe sleep will cure it.

Speedometer: D300 95mm f/5.6 1/125 (flash -3.0) ISO 400

Weathervane: D300 130mm f/5.6 1/100 ISO 400