Falling Behind, and Catching up...

Seems that falling behind is something I do from time to time. The last two days have been very busy, but my body seems to be rebelling against me in a number of ways.

First, I cannot get awake. On Wednesday, I had a good deal of time in the afternoon to be home to get caught up on work... yet as hard as I tried, I could not get done all I wanted to get done... I wanted to take a nap but the tasks on the list kept staring at me, begging to be done or whispering among themselves about how tired they were to still be on the list. Their chatter, and my guilt, kept me from doing what I needed -- laying on the couch to take that little nap.

When I got home from dinner at church, I was so tired, I crawled into bed at about 7:45 to watch TV. I woke up at 5:30 am Thursday morning. But I honestly still feel tired now (Friday morning) and wonder what is going on.

Second, I feel like I'm falling behind in so many things I've worked on in the last two years. The conspiracy of fall — its lost light, cool air, and dark memories — seem to be dragging me into recesses from which I have tried hard to never return. I need to focus, and remember how I got here, and restrengthen myself for the next great battle, wherever that is.

Wednesday wore purple, as many did, to support those people who have been bullied, abused or otherwise harassed because of who they love. It was amazing the number of people who did it, particularly at church, and made me happy that the subtle message to the world was given without the obviousness of a ribbon or a slogan across our backs.

Probably also had the best sales calls of my last year on two cases that I have no idea if we will get, but just felt very good about what I said, how it went and everything else about the meetings. It has seemed that those opportunities remain the bright spot in these last two days, the opportunity to let the part of me that feels strongest shine.

I feel so many shadows, things that I cannot escape, lingering around me, but my evening with the kids was particularly good. Had a speaking engagement and they were with me, which was so nice. I do hate this one night because it is too short to get the sustenance they give...

Getting up, to go face the day...