Numbers and Words

23,540 photos taken in the past 365 days. 371 blog entries over the last 12 months. Hundreds of thousands of words written, recording memories, pain, happiness, travel, precious time with my children... and another year passes. 525,600 minutes -- how do you measure a year, a year in the life?

2011 (technically) begins a new decade. New years usually mean new beginnings. I think for me, 2011 will not mean something new, but rather the continuation of months of work, gathering strength and momentum toward resolving my worst tendencies and proving I am not as flawed as I once was. It will mean closing the last chapters of my ills and writing new ones on the promise of brighter days. This new year will bring ups and downs, successes and disappointments, new and old friends, and lots of the unexpected.... just like the year that is ending.

We focus a lot of each new year, and yet lose sight of the individual memories. I want to go back and read the last year's worth of posts to remind me of the realness of my two rocks getting married to their own best partners; of the joy of waking early in Sacramento and walking downtown while MK slept in the hotel; the look on Drew's face when he walked into the Four Seasons in St. Louis; and how my bed felt crawling into it after being on the road for ten days, or just 18 hours after I last laid between those sheets.

I will continue to be here. It is who I am. It is how I communicate to the ones I love, and am rewarded by the kind words and thoughts and presence of the most unexpected people in the world. It is proof that I am stronger, courageous (thanks JFG for that word) and scared yet unafraid of tomorrow. It is the admission of the pleasure of appreciation, but defiant rejection that this is a narcissist exercise. And I am proud that I can, and have, and will continue to be here.

Tomorrow is just another day, just another few steps in a journey. Thanks for holding my hand along the path, scolding me when it makes no sense, shedding a tear or sharing a laugh.

Happy New Year. Happier New Decade.