Time of Day

I have noticed that my disposition changes so much throughout the day. I wake a little tired or worried or lonely or bruised from a night of elbows and knees. After I get out of bed (the speed of which is usually a function of how tired I am, or how cold it is, or how much time I have to get something done on the list before I have to be at the first appointment, or the kids to school -- you get the picture, right?), I try and run through the usual steps, but it is largely routine.

Once out the door, it's contemplating which calls I can make, how the day looks, how many miles there will be before I get home again, and how many little crises I can resolve while driving. Usually sometime in the morning, my ADD medicine has kicked in and I feel fairly invincible. It makes getting things done and the ability to tackle tough issues MUCH easier for some reason.

Midday I am usually now at full speed. Lots happening - calls, emails, meetings, etc. The occasional distraction or personal thought running across the stage of my mind. I have tried to always fit into this cycle a few minutes of me time, through a chapter or two of a book or audiobook, or a picture caught here or there. Something to bring me back to center.

I almost always skip lunch, at least at lunchtime. It's a quiet time, when I can respond to emails or get things out the door without interruption. But by the end of the early afternoon appointments, the malaise begins to set in... I feel the meds draining out of me and I become more emotionally fragile. Unfortunately I am often driving when that happens, which is not always best.

By the time I get home -- after dinner, with the kids, or whatever -- I am exhausted. I want to just sit and veg, but that's not always easily done either. So too often, when I come here, I am melancholy, or sad, or just uncertain about too much. I often wish, in the mid-morning when I feel my strongest, I could write this then so I could capture that time of day when I am invincible, when I am my strongest me.

So... know that there are times each day where I am there. I'm not always down...